Today is the first day of Autumn. I’m bittersweet as I enter this new season, both physically and metaphorically. I’m excited about the change in the weather, the turning of leaves, the smell of the cooler air, and just about new beginnings all around, yet I’m sometimes left slightly empty-handed as I walk away from old memories, good and bad.
I started and ended a relationship with a great woman, and because of her, started completely over on one with God, which I intentionally threw away at the beginning of the year, in search of reality and truth that I would hopefully find for myself instead of going through motions that were meaningless in my mind. I understand this may sound foolish to a lot of people, as it most certainly does to me, but it’s real and true, and I make no apologies for it.
Here’s a visual explanation of a dream I had, and it paints a clear picture of how I see things as they went down:
Everyone on earth is a child, around 5 or 6 years old. They’re all out playing, living, doing whatever. God, this huge figure of a man, big enough to hold children in the palms of his hands, is sitting in the middle of everything. One little boy was out running around being crazy and out of control. This concerned God, and as he pondered the best way to get the boy’s attention, he thought of a dark-haired little girl that he was certain, due to previous conversations with the boy, was sure to catch his eye. As God held the little girl in his hand, he pointed to the boy and said “Go play with him. He’ll be your new friend. Then bring him to me.” The girl went and became the best of friends with the boy, and even fell in love with him. As their relationship grew, the boy started to see how things were different with her than most “godly” folks he knew, and he eventually followed her back to God, who picked them both up and let them rest in his hands for awhile. When it came time for the girl to go and play again, God held the boy back, and told him it was still time to rest, to grow, to reflect, and to learn. While the pain in parting was great, the boy knew it was right, because all of it was the timing of God.
I rest in that sovereignty.
Through all of this, I’ve been fortunate enough to look deep into my own heart after examining my patterns of interaction with people I love, and really learn where and why I continue to fall short of the mark when it comes to loving them. This certainly is growth, and I’m very thankful for it, even if I’ve had to walk through so much pain to find myself.
Got heavy on you for a change. Here’s to my favorite season of the year. Cheers!
